Abhi to Aish Karenge!

April 21, 2007 by p2c2u

OK, OK…I admit it. I was very, very curious about the Abhi-Aish wedding. Gimme a break! I’m human. I wanted to know who’s on the guest list, and more importantly, who’s not. I wanted to know what the happy (presumably) pair wore and how the bidaai went. It’s fun to know such details. And while I agree that no aspect of the wedding is the stuff of breaking news, I don’t understand why so many people are being so uppity about the media covering the Desi Wedding of the Year.

Think about it…it’s the meeting of the Titans, a marriage of all that’s powerful and beautiful in apna Bollywood. The scion of Bollywood’s first family weds one of India’s most well-known faces. It’s fascinating!

But even more interesting is all the drama that surrounded the whole affair. A drunk starlet claims to be married to Abhishek and slits her wrist. Amar Singh spews venom against Mukesh Ambani (‘I hate him!’). The police lathi-charges crazed fans. I tell you…this is pure K-stuff!

Abhi-Aish sure have started their wedding on a high note! The rest of their married life will probably pale in comparison to the high-voltage drama of their wedding. I hope Viveik Oberoi does a Devdas…just to keep the excitement going.

P.S. Sorry about the gosh-awful title. But I had to, don’t you know?

Sex Karna Mana Hai

April 5, 2007 by p2c2u

We Indians make babies by magic. We don’t have s-e-x(please whisper this word if you’re reading it out loud). S-e-x, you see, is a Western concept. Those dirty Westerners kiss and canoodle in public. That is because they have no culture.

We in India have plenty of culture. Our ancestors were composing the Vedas when people in the West were still swinging from tree to tree. We have the Ganga and the Yamuna and we have Yoga and our many Gods and Goddesses. But no s-e-x. That is a Western import, brought to our holy land by those Godless Westerners.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are not my own. You, discerning reader, might recognize them for what they are: the mindless and illogical arguments of our politicians and general rabble-rousers(not the first sentence; that’s my own :-D ). I love my country, so I can’t help but despair over the fact that we’re saddled with a bunch of quarrelling and reactionary politicians who have the gall to call themselves ‘public servants’ when they serve nothing but their own interests. Phew! Long sentence, that.

Come on! What is wrong with teaching kids about sex and sexuality? Curiosity is part of being human and these kids will get curious about it at some stage. So might as well satiate that now, than leave them prey to all sorts of nonsensical information (You know what I’m talking about! Kissing can get a woman pregnant??) As Bachi Karkaria has already pointed out, a look at the sexpert columns will confirm that most Indians, children and adults, need sex education. Sometimes, when I read the mindnumbing queries, I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry.

And leave aside the need to know about the sexual act itself. There’s a very real need to educate children about sexual predators, the difference between a ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’. If we don’t arm them with this knowledge, we leave them vulnerable to exploitation. Nithari is not an aberration. Sexual abuse is common in our country and that’s a fact. Perverts cannot be eliminated from any society, but it’s the least we can do to educate our children and make them less vulnerable.

P.S. I do know that India is the land of the Kamasutra and erotic temple sculputre, blah, blah. I just didn’t mention all that before, because it seems so besides the point. But you’re welcome to talk about it, if you want.

Sex and the Maiden

March 27, 2007 by p2c2u

I’ve been reading a lot about chastity balls these days. A chastity ball is something like a wedding ceremony, but with a twist. Here, a father and daughter exchange vows – the father swears to be faithful to his daughter’s mother, while the daughter swears tha she’ll remain a virgin till the day she gets married. The father may also slip a ring onto his little one’s finger, to be give to her husband the day he deflowers her.

Stop me if I’m wrong, but this whole idea of a chastity ball revolts me. There’s something so primitive about this whole idea of ritualising an act which should remain personal. If a girl decides to remain a virgin till she gets married, that’s all very well. But why make such a production of it? Might as well slip one of those dreadful medieval contraptions known as Chastity Belts around her waist. And keep the key.

Why is such importance attached to a woman’s virginity anyway? Sex is not dirty when men indulge in it, so why should different rules apply to women? Many of the people who took part in this ceremony claimed that it reinforced their Christian values. I’m sure there’s more to Christianity than that. How about Mercy, Charity etc.? Why not have a ceremony in which all the participants swear to pay a tithe of their earnings to some deserving cause?

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Christianity. Anything that brings spiritual solace to people is good, say I. But I do have a lot against primitive sexual politics which say that a woman is virtuous only if she’s chaste. Why is a woman’s virtue so inextricably bound to her sexuality?

It’s worldwide problem. I’ve read of some sub-saharan cultures which condone the horrific practice of female circumcision. To put it crudely, the clitoris is split or sawn off. The idea is that a woman is supposed to have sex only to reproduce, not for pleasure.

Then there’s the whole idea behind the application of vermilion in the parting of a woman’s hair (sindoor). The red of the vermilion signifies the red of the blood that flows when a woman loses her virginity. I remember reading a Marquez story (Chronicle of a Death Foretold) in which the marital bedsheet with specks of blood on it is displayed in public, like a trophy. No blood means that the new bride is a loose and dishonourable woman and her husband’s family will then avenge this insult to their honour.

Recently, Indian television channels have been running the trailers of a new Hindi movie called Namastey London. The premise of an English Mem falling in love with a Desi Babu has been done to death, but that is not what I’m quibbling against. A line in one of the trailers goes, ‘A virgin from London..’. Why stress the fact of her virginity? What if she weren’t a virgin? Would she be less deserving of the audience’s love and sympathy?

The reason why we have all these stupid and demeaning practices is because we make such a big deal out of sex. I’m not advocating promiscuity, but we’re definitely in an age now where we know more and therefore can act more responsibly. We don’t really need society’s sanction for acts that are essentially performed behind closed doors.

A little note: Why are run-less overs in cricket called Maiden Overs? ‘Coz nobody scores in them. A cheap and low joke no doubt, but it just goes to show how deeply ingrained such sexual politics are in our collective psyche that we don’t even notice them anymore.

[UPDATE: My friend Madhura Kanekar just brought something to my notice...sexual politics in the blogosphere. Please show your support for Kathy Sierra.]

Not Waiting for Shanghai

March 23, 2007 by p2c2u

No Koro…not waiting till I go to Shanghai. Not waiting to update my blog, I mean. What did you think I meant?

I could mean a lot of things by that statement. I could be waiting for excitement to finally come into my life. I could be waiting to take control of my own destiny, rather than float through life like some piece of flotsam…or jetsam.

It’s amazing how one little piece of news can mean so many things. It could mean new opportunities, the chance to see fresh faces and to experience something different. It can also mean the end of something you thought would last forever.

This is a short, melancholy post. This is how I feel right now. Torn between Mumbai, the Shanghai Wannabe, and the Real McCoy.

Venting Some Spleen

November 13, 2006 by p2c2u

Has it ever happened to you? Someone does something to offend you. You’re angry for about five minutes and the you forget about it and move on. Then that night, as you’re lying in bed and thinking about the day that passed, the memory of the offence comes to you in all its virulence and ruins your sleep. You fume thinking about the wrong done to you and all the biting things you could’ve told your malefactor occur to you, too late.

It happens to me all the time.

I’m an angry person right now. Nothing specific. I just hate the world and all that’s in it. I hate whiny people. I hate people who’re perpetually late. I hate politics and backstabbing. I sometimes even hate harmless children.

I need therapy.

Yesterday Once More

September 10, 2006 by p2c2u

I listened to the Carpenters after a long, long time last night. My sister and I sang along, never missing a beat and remembering every word and every expressive pause. It was like when I was 11 and she was 7 and we would listen to the Carpenters all day. Karen Carpenter’s honeyed vocals would sweep over us and we would sway along with the lovely music.

Only Yesterday by the Carpenters was my first ever English-music cassette. By the end of a month, I knew all the words by heart. I knew when to take a deep breath, when to give the right sort of inflections to my voice. Every song had a special meaning for me. Yesterday Once More was the melancholic song I sang whenever I was hit by a wave of nostalgia. It was the song I bonded over with my best friend Anjali [I'm proud to say that I introduced her to The Carpenters]. When David Duchovny got married and broke my heart, Goodbye to Love became my anthem. I imagined myself as a pained and tormented teenager [which I wasn't really, but we all like to strike dramatic poses:)]

It is amazing how every song has an associated memory. There’s nothing like music to trigger nostalgia. ABBA reminds me of the trips my family and Anju’s family took to Diu and to Goa. We had no clue about the lyrics, because of the band’s peculiar accent. We’d fill in the gaps in our knowledge with spirited ‘Blah-Blah-Blah-Blah’s, to the eternal amusement of Anju’s mum. Then there were the Backstreet Boys and Boyzone, which bring back memories of whispered conversations about boys and crushes and long walks in the moonlight.

I have one strong memory associated with Wannabe by the Spice Girls. A garrulous old man had come to visit my dad on a Sunday morning. My dad was getting monumentally bored and my sister and I were impatient to play the Spice Girls’ first album, which we’d bought just the day before. Unfortunately, the music player was in the living room which is where our guest was sitting, talking nineteen-to-the-dozen. Getting tired of waiting, I decided to take the bold step of marching into the living room and playing the cassette. The opening notes of Wannabe were enough to drive the unwanted guest away. My sis and I didn’t get yelled at by our parents for our lack of manners and it is my firm belief that they were actually grateful to us.

Lady by Modjo was the first song I ever danced to with a guy. Teenage Dirtback by Wheatus was the first song I drank to [and proceeded to make a complete fool of myself to. I have vague memories of dancing about and leaping on beds. But since everyone else was equally, if not more, drunk, I guess it doesn’t really matter] Then there was I’m a Slave for You by Britney Spears, with the Khalsa College boys tearing their shirts off and girls screaming and hooting and my friends and I, laughing our heads off. Lenny Kravitz reminds me of a fest at SRCC, with a heady feeling of freedom brought on by the knowledge that we were in the midst of a doped and drunk college crowd, yelling and screaming, and that our parents were not around to drag us back home.

There were quiet evenings with my roomies when we’d discuss Love, Life and Sex, with the Goo Goo Dolls, Coldplay and Pink Floyd playing in the background. And dancing to Superstar and Lets Talk About Sex and Turn Me On during college and hostel Jam sessions.

I no longer listen to most of the songs I used to love. I don’t, for instance, listen to the Backstreet Boys or the Spice Girls any more. I’ve ceased to appreciate their artistic merits, if they ever had any. But if I ever do happen to hear one of those familiar old melodies, I can’t help but sing along. A few months back, on a trip with my classmates, the radio in the car began playing Baby One More Time by Britney Spears. We all giggled at how we’d all once loved that song and as the car whizzed down the highway, we could be heard singing at the top of our voices, “Hit Me Baby One More Time!”

Image by Wikipedia

Agatha Christie and the Art of The Whodunit

August 15, 2006 by p2c2u

There is no thrill quite like what I get when I read a good, old-fashioned whodunit. I love this genre with a passion that mystifies most people who know of my tendency to look down upon popular fiction. Why do I love whodunits? Simple…as Hercule Poirot says, they give one the illusion of living an exciting life.

This mention of Hercule Poirot brings me nicely to what is going to be the focus of this post – my abiding love for Agatha Christie and her unusual and idiosyncratic detectives – Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple. It takes an original mind to make a little old woman and a rotund, ex-police detective the ‘heroes’ of some of the most thrilling mysteries ever written. Christie’s sleuths are not like your modern detectives – full of sex appeal and an appetite for action. They have a more cerebral appeal that the sleuths of today’s detective fiction do not. In fact, I strongly suspect this to be the reason why mystery writers today feel the need to inject the sex and action factors into their stories – their detectives simply do not have the ‘little grey cells’ which Poirot and Marple have. These two can solve mysteries simply by arranging the facts in order and never dirtying their hands. That’s true sleuthing!

Christie had a few special elements she used repeatedly – a secluded country house with a surprisingly large number of guests (but small enough to be a convenient group of suspects), murder by poisoning (favourites were Arsenic and Strychnine), the domineering and rich widow with a colourless secretary-companion and a host of preying relatives, the awkward ex-military man (Capt. Hastings being the most prominent) and the charming, irresistible rake. She used these elements often, but never to excess which is why her works are instantly recognizable as her works with their cozy, secluded atmosphere and the surprising number of people with murder motives.

I remember when I first read an Agatha Christie (The Big Four) I was very disappointed. I could not see what the fuss was about and I intensely disliked the pompous Belgian detective, Poirot. But then I found The Murder of Roger Ackroyd and there was no looking back. I fell in love for life. The Poirot mysteries are classics – one and all. They are studies in how a detective story should be written – Christie teases her readers with tanatalizing hints and clues throughout only to spring a complete surprise on them right at the end when Poirot makes his denouement. Even the most astute reader can only solve part of the mystery by the end – for clearing up the whole matter, the reader still needs Poirot.

Miss Marple is lovable for another reason – her methods are purely mental. Poirot at least re-enacts cases in order to solve them (The Mystery of the Blue Train, Death on the Nile). Miss Marple solves mysteries by simply sitting at home and using some good old common sense and a deep knowledge of human psychology.

I can’t finish this post without mentioning another character I’m secretly, passionately in love with – Captain Hastings. He’s Poirot’s closest ally and foil and is the narrator of most of the Poirot stories. He may not have the little Belgian’s grey cells, but he has his own peculiar charm – his unwavering loyalty towards Poirot and his deep sense of honour. What a gentleman! He’s got a witty, dry sense of humour and some of his observations about his clever and pompous friend are just brilliant!

I regret to say that I’ve still not read all the available Christie books…I’ve been ignoring them for the past couple of years in my pursuit of ‘higher literature’ (most of which cannot entertain as well as Agatha Christie). In any case, here’s a list of a few of my favourite Christie books.

The Mysterious Affair at Styles
The Murder of Roger Ackroyd (My favourite of all the Christie books)
Murder on the Orient Express
Sad Cypress
The Mousetrap
Dumb Witness
Endless Night
Murder is Easy
Hallowe’en Party
Elephants Can Remember
Curtain: Poirot’s Last Case
The Mysterious Mr. Quinn (Not a Poirot or Marple mystery; the brain here is Mr. Harley Quinn)
Towards Zero (One of Christie’s more disturbing books)
A Murder is Announced
The Witness for the Prosecution

Image from Wikipedia


Vampires!

July 30, 2006 by p2c2u
I’m sure those who know me well will wonder why I took so long to post something on Vampires. Well….the answer is simple – I was just plain lazy. Oh and before you read any further, let me warn you that this post is full of possible spoilers!

Anyway, this post is going to be about my three favourite Vampire books to date – Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice, The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova and Dracula by Bram Stoker. I’ve read loads (and loads) of books dealing with vampires and these three, I can say with confidence, are the best.

Interview with the Vampire is definitely my favourite. The mixture of blood & gore and implicit eroticism is magical. Anne Rice does away with the superstitions that abound in the myth of the Vampire – no garlic, sacred water and crufixes here. Rice’s vampires are not fiends…they’re philosophical, powerful, surprisingly human and above all – beautiful. As a matter of fact, I’ve always felt that Rice’s vampire stories are not so much about vampires as they are about vampires’ love affair with all things beautiful.

The Historian is not as sensual or as beautiful, but it is quite interesting. Loads of research and hard work are evident in this book. I love the academic discussions that are to be found here (not everyone’s cup of tea) and the history of the Carpathians suddenly seems so interesting. The best thing about the book is the portrayal of Dracula or Vlad Tepes – a prince, a warrior, a psychopath and a scholar. What I didn’t like about the book is, again, the portrayal of Dracula – as a vampire who shies away at the sight of a crucifix and who can be killed by a silver bullet ( i thought that was a way to get rid of werewolves). I found these little things too pedestrian. Also, a vital question remains unanswered – how did Dracula turn into a vampire? There are hints of some great heresy carried out at a monastery in France, but nothing specific.

Dracula is the book I read most recently. I started out with a few prejudices – my dad had told me that I’d find the book ludicrous and I generally end up agreeing with him. Also, I was not sure I’d like the idea of Count Dracula, after I’d just read about Prince Dracula.

But I ended up loving the book. Stoker’s book is quite attractive in its own way. I like my vampires to look like Rice’s Louis, Lestat and Armand – eternally young, beautiful and rather like Boticelli’s angels. Stoker’s Dracula “has hair growing on the palms of his hand. His ears are long and pointed. His red eyes glare out from under thick eyebrows that meet over a knife of a nose. His red, swollen lips are flagrant against the glimmer of his face, with its extraordinary pallor, its long white mustache, its prominent teeth”. But I loved him nevertheless – he’s unabashedly evil and takes genuine pleasure in victimising poor mortals. Who wouldn’t love such fiendish honesty?

The book has some truly hair-raising moments, but surprisingly they have nothing much to do with Dracula’s blood-sucking moments. The mental patient Renfield with his hunger, literally, for ‘life’ is far scarier. And the chilling description of Jonathan Harker’s ride to Castle Dracula with slavering wolves in the gloomy forests….horrifying! And then there is the mother whose child Dracula has stolen from her ( I shudder to think what happened to the child). Harker’s simple description of the scene where the bereaved mother comes wailing to the castle , ” …I heard the voice of the Count calling in his harsh, metallic whisper. His call seemed to be answered from far and wide by the howling of wolves. Before many minutes had passed, a pack of them poured, like a pent-up dam when liberated, through the wide entrance into the courtyard.
There was no cry from the woman, and the howling of the wolves was but short. Before long they streamed away singly, licking their lips.
I could not pity her, for I knew now what had become of her child , and she was better dead.” I found this to be one of the more striking passages in the book.

Then of course, there is the sheer eroticism of Dracula and Van Helsing and his comrades’ horror of it. There’s a scene where Dracula attacks Mina Harker. In the words of Dr. Seward “…with his left hand he held both Mrs. Harker’s hands, keeping them away with her arms at full tension; his right hand gripped her by the back of her neck, forcing her face down on his bosom. Her white nightdress was smeared with blood, and a thin stream trickled down the man’s bare breast which was shown by his torn open dress.” And then there’s the time when Jonathan Harker is cornered by three blood-sucking beauties. He looks at them in “an agony of delightful anticipation” and in a “langorous ecstacy” as one of the ladies ” went down on her knees, and bent over me, simply gloating. There was a deliberate voluptuosness which was both thrilling and repulsive, and as she arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal, till I could see in the moonlight the moisture shining on the scarlet lips, and on the red tongue as it lapped the sharp white teeth’.

There are also moments of sly humour in the book like when Dr. Van Helsing says “…there is a terrible task before us, and once our feet are on the ploughshare we must not draw back.” Van Helsing says many such unwittingly funny things since he’s Dutch and does not have a proper grasp over the English language and its many idioms and the various diarists – Jonathan Harker, Mina Harker and Dr. Seward – record his words faithfully, hilarious or otherwise. That is another interesting thing about the book – it is written entirely in the form of diary entries, letters, telegrams and newspaper reports.

All in all, I wasn’t at all disappointed with the book, even though hair grows on the palms of Dracula’s hands.

Kalyug

July 11, 2006 by p2c2u
I’ve often asked myself one question…what are people, who kill innocent people, thinking? Are they thinking at all?
They say they’re fighting for a cause. What cause? What belief system could possibly sanction mass murder?

Imagine this. You’re sitting comfortably by the window on the train home. You’re reading or possibly dozing off. Suddenly, something that sounds and feels like the end of world happens. You’re flying through the air. You try to get up, but you can’t. Something seems to be impending your movements. In a confused sort of way, you notice that people are screaming and rushing back and forth. Then it suddenly strikes you. There was a bomb on the train.You can’t move because your legs have been blown off or your head or arms are bleeding. You’ve sacrificed a lot of blood and your limbs, and quite possibly your life, for someone else’s cause.

In an ideal world, this wouldn’t happen. But this is not an ideal world. And it seems we’re doing nothing to make it one.

A Tribute

July 2, 2006 by p2c2u


This is a tribute to a writer who brightened my childhood, who fed my imagination and who supplied me with the raw material for endless daydreams – Enid Blyton. Of late, her stories have come under criticism for containing racial and gender stereotyping and there has been much talk about ‘cleaning’ them up. The very thought of that appalls me! To touch-up those masterpieces of children’s fiction, to my mind, borders on sacrilege!

How well I remember the sheer joy of reading the adventures of The Famous Five or The Secret Seven, the lives of those who lived int he Enchanted Wood and the Magic Faraway tree. The description of high tea and picnics made my mouth water and I wish I had a rupee for all the times I wished I could lay my hands on a lovely, cool glass of ginger beer. And the school stories were simply magnificent too…Malory Towers, St. Clares, the Naughtiest Girl series…It was another world entirely, a world I desperately wished I was part of. I still remember begging my parents to send me off to a residential school, tempted as I was by thoughts of midnight feasts and hilarious pranks played on unsuspecting French teachers.

Blyton wrote in a different world, a world where race relations were tenser and where only the girls cleared up after dinner. Altering her stories would rob them of any historical value that they have. Her stories are not just stories…they’re an account of her life and times. They’re a monument in themselves and altering them in any way would be like painting the Taj Mahal blue. [ok..not quite like that..but you get the picture ;-) ]
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An apology to all those who actually read this blog. I’ve been really busy of late..work, new hobbies, catching up with friends. One of my latest obsessions, and the main reason why I was not blogging, is this fantastic place called Deviant Art. Do visit it if you can..there’s a link on this page to the DA homepage as well as to my DA page. As proof that I was really busy, I have put up a sample of my work. [I'm showing off, of course!]