Have you noticed how often journalists are reviled and mocked? While discussing any major issue of the day, at least one person is sure to say in a sanctimonious tone, ‘These journalists! They always blow things out of proportion!’. I’ve heard journalists being described as ‘the most useless elements of society’ and ‘officious and intrusive’. Apparently, these people want journalists to write cozy little articles and maintain a low profile. A reporter who does investigative journalism becomes everyone’s favourite whipping boy and is referred to as ‘Paparazzi’.

‘Paparazzi’ is one of the most annoying catchwords of our times. Any journalist who pokes around a bit, is labeled that. If you’re one of those people who find journalists annoying and about as useful as a pain in the neck, tell me one thing – how do you think you’ll know anything about the world, without journalists doing all the dirty work for you? Quite often, journalists risk their lives to get a story to the public. Take the current crisis in Myanmar. Do you have any idea how many journalists are trying to cover the events from within that country and how many are doing so at serious risk to their lives? Most top Burmese journalists are languishing behind bars because they had the guts to raise questions and seek answers. Even now, some are broadcasting events as they happen in Myanmar. They do so knowing full well what they stand to lose if they’re discovered.

Journalism is not called ‘The Fourth Estate’ for nothing. It is one of the ‘Pillars of Democracy’ and it is what keeps you informed of what your government is doing with your money, or why a certain film actor got off with a light prison sentence or why one group of people is massacring another group. Don’t you want to know these things? Knowledge is power isn’t it? What makes you think you can get it, if you don’t have reporters?

I’m well aware that there are indeed journalists who play dirty. Every profession has its dark side, and journalism is no different. But for a hundred unethical reporters, there are at least a few who are decent and professional. It’s unfair to call them ‘the paparazzi’ for simply trying to do their jobs – which is to inform you about your world.

Note: I have nothing against ‘cozy little articles’ and the people who write them. I quite enjoy them, as a matter of fact. But this post is about why investigative journalism is important, so naturally I haven’t talked about why the other kinds of reports and articles are important too.

A Chinese couple wants to name their son @. No, this is not a typo. They actually do want to name their son that. The Chinese pronunciation of @ is ‘ai-ta’ and it means ‘love him’. Given the meaning, I suppose ‘ai-ta’ is a good enough name…but @?

Naming a child is like navigating a minefield. Hardly anyone is ever satisfied with his or her own name. It must be tough being expectant or new parents. Not only do you argue with each other and the rest of the family about what to name your child, you might also, sometime in the future, have to explain to said child why you gave him or her a name that in all probability causes embarrassment.

There are so many pitfalls you need to avoid while naming the child. One, do not be too pedestrian. That means that names like Rahul, Neha & Pooja go out the window. These names are bound to crop up all over the place. Every classroom, playground and office has at least one Rahul, Neha & Pooja.

Another thing to remember is that you can’t go all out traditional. If you name your son Maruti or Chiraunjilal, there’s no way he’s ever going to forgive you. Ditto for Thankam and Basanti. These names might have suited your grandparents or even your parents, but they will not suit your children. At least, that’s what your children will say when they disown you.

There’s some danger in naming your child after someone you admire. The celebrated, if fictitious, case of Gogol Ganguli comes to mind. Of course, you have a winner with a Sachin or a Sania, but try naming your child after Bhappi Lahiri or Vyajayanthimala and you will feel the consequences.

Try and avoid unisex names like Kiran & Manjeet. Also steer clear of exotic names like Utkalika and Mrignayni. And crazy spellings like Preity and Viveik.

In the end, it’s probably safer to just let your kids name themselves.

Note: This is all just fun. No offence is meant to anyone who’s named Pooja, Rahul, Maruti etc. Kindly excuse!

The 60th anniversary of our country’s independence didn’t feel all that special to me. I think it was because one really can’t get into the spirit of the day as long one’s in a foreign nation.

Here in Shanghai we tried our best. About 50 of us gathered for Independence Day celebrations at 7 in the morning. The Tricolour was unfurled. Then the Consul General read out excerpts from the President’s dull speech. This was followed by a handful of tone-deaf ladies, who call themselves ‘Sur Shanghai’ singing a couple of patriotic songs. They sang ‘Vande Mataram’ tolerably well, but they absolutely butchered ‘Aye Mere Watan ke Logon’. They raced through the song like they had a flight to catch. Sur Shanghai’s performance was followed by a bunch of kids singing ‘Chhodo Kal Ki Baatein’. It was surprisingly good.

Afterwards we all marched up to the Consulate for breakfast. This consisted of samosas, gulab jamun and kaju katli. I felt slightly ill at the thought of abusing my tummy with these at 8 AM, but I managed to grin and bear it.

All in all, the proceedings were scalier than ones I’ve experienced in India, but then I’m in China. What else could I have expected?

I was told that Shanghai is one of the most polluted cities in the world. And it seems to be true. Sometimes, there’s such a haze hanging over the city that the tops of most skyscrapers are not visible. But there are days when the sky looks amazing. I thought I’d share some photographs of those days.

What’s the big fuss about Deepa Mehta? I recently watched two of her movies – Earth and Water. Frankly, I wasn’t impressed. Movies are not just about telling stories; they’re about telling stories well. There’s something lazy about Mehta’s style of filmmaking. Let me explain this better.

Both movies have strong plots. Earth is about love and betrayal during that most turbulent of times in our nation’s history – Partition. Water is about the plight of Indian widows, who’re often forced into begging and prostitution to sustain themselves. Both stories need to be told.

Deepa Mehta clearly sees this and proceeds to beat it into our heads. She sermonizes. She patronizes her audience. She just doesn’t have much subtlety as a filmmaker.

While we’re at it, I might as well talk about another popular movie I disliked – Cheeni Kum. What was with that movie? It lacked spark, zest, wit – in short, all the essential ingredients required to make a good romantic comedy. The dialogues were terrible (the ‘chhatri’ joke?? Save it for the locker room, guys!), the chemistry between the lead pair was non-existent and the script was bad, bad, bad! And if I were allowed to ask the filmmakers just one question, it would be this – why the little girl? What purpose did she serve apart from that of the obvious plot device needed to pull the heartstrings of the audience? It was so obvious that the people behind the movie were constantly patting themselves on the back – ‘Oh yeah! We made a different movie! Oh yeah, not a sugary love story! We’re so clever!’ The movie was self-conscious at best and inane at worst.

Yes, I’ve been watching a lot of movies. I don’t have much else to do.

I recently read a post on Great Bong’s blog about the unsuitability of Pratibha Patil for the post of President of India. The post was well written as usual, witty and informative and making it’s point with crystal clarity.

I have only one problem with this post. Evidently, Great Bong thinks that Mrinal Pande is insulting his intelligence when she writes that the main reason why men don’t want Pratibha Patil as Prez is that she’s a Woman and will give other women ideas. Possibly. But on the other hand, the article isn’t solely addressed to GB and other well read and well-informed men like him. It is also addressed to a lot of men who object to Pratibhatai precisely for the reason that Pande outlined – she’s a Woman and is a portent of the feminine invasion of Parliament. Now that just won’t do, will it?

One comment on the post caught my attention. A certain Shan wrote ‘People like Mrinal Pande (and there are plenty of those in leftist/feminist academia) see EVERYTHING through the lens of gender politics.’ That one statement should be credited with starting off this rant.

People like Mrinal Pande and Co. might see everything through the lens of gender politics, but there’s a very real reason for that – women are still largely victims, not because they relish their submissive positions, because they don’t know how not to be submissive. I agree there’s no reason for everything to be seen from a feminist point of view, but what is really unbearable is the stance that most urban men have taken – that they’re victims of militant feminism. Note my use of the word ‘urban’ – go to rural areas and you’ll know that ‘girl-power’ is as distant from reality as pigs with wings.

We can’t just let an issue die down simply because we had a woman as PM and because there are a handful of Indra Nooyis and Barkha Dutts. Your mother might be an emancipated, working woman who more than contributes her share of pennies to the household and your sister might be a smart-talking, legal eagle in the making. But spare a thought for the hundreds of girls on our streets, the ones with babies nearly half their size and with more on the way. They didn’t choose to live this way. They live this way because it’s the only way they can.

Of course, having a woman as Prez doesn’t really alleviate the matter. But that’s not what my post is about. In case you haven’t got it so far, this post is about how Indian men complain about being victimized by bra-burning feminists. It’s time to stop, guys…it’s not helping your cause.

I suppose what men can do is inform themselves about what life is like for the average Indian woman before opening their mouths so wide that they swallow not just their feet, but also a lot of their own credibility. After all, real men don’t whine, do they?

To all those who write emails like the one below,

hi how’re u? m gud as usual. So nice 2 here frm u. i ws jst waiting 4 ur mail my exams start in jan so wish me luck!!!

I hate receiving mails like these. They’re so difficult to read! They may save the writer’s time, since they’re full of abbreviations, but they waste my time since I have to spend a lot of time just deciphering them. Does it really take so much time to type ‘you’ instead of ‘u’ and to insert a period in between sentences?

Ever read a book called ‘Eats, Shoots and Leaves’ by Lynn Truss? Truss claims that she’s a language Nazi. I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself that (though I’m sure some of my friends would!). My knowledge of English grammar and punctuation isn’t deep enough. But I do try! I always edit whatever I write. The editing may not be perfect but at least I make an effort!

I always think that a carefully written email shows that you care about what your readers experience while reading it. You may not use colons and semi-colons, but what about commas and periods? A paragraph break? Upper case? They’re not your enemies…they make your written work more coherent!

I think it’s time for me to come out of the closet. Yes people, I’m a secret fan fiction reader. I’ve read so much fan fiction that I could compile anthologies with titles like ‘Wonderful Wizardries: The Best of HP Fan Fic’ or ‘The Best Star Wars Fan Fic…in any Galaxy’. The titles suck; I know…but so does most fan fiction.

So why do I read fan fiction if most of it sucks? I don’t really know. I guess its because I’m jobless most of the time. Or maybe it’s because I really want to know what could happen in an Alternate Universe, as opposed to the Canonical Universe. Or I like to watch events unfold from a different point of view. Or maybe it’s because through all that copyright infringement, I really enjoy being able to spot genuine literary talent.

Fan fiction is actually a lot more complicated than it looks. Anyone can create an Original Character for the main character (who’s usually the fan fictioner’s main literary squeeze) to fall in love with. The OC will generally be closely modeled on what the fan fictioner imagines himself/herself to be. There will be lots of dirty, improbable and grammatically imperfect sex. There will be lots of action and adventure, and in the more angsty stories, deep soul searching and S&M.

It’s a quirk of the typical fan fictioner to like the most despicable canon character. Hence, in the HP fan fiction roster, you’ll find plenty of love stories featuring Snape, the Malfoys and the Dark Lord himself. In most of these stories, the villainous types find a way to redeem themselves…mostly through mutilation and such like, but also through discovering True Love.

But as I was saying, some people do manage to write good fiction, which just happens to be fan fiction. These are the people who don’t choose the easy way out by creating OCs. They stick to all canonical characters, which is difficult, because you have to make them behave as they do in canon, but in different settings and with different dialogues. My personal favourites are the ones that spoof the original or the other works of fan fic.

I’ll leave you with a short selection of some of my favourite pieces of HP fan fiction. I could mention spin-offs of some other books or movies, but I’ve read a lot of HP fan fiction and I guess I know more about these than others. (I shall not bow my head in shame!!)

P.S. There are homosexual elements in the second story. Homophobes Beware! But if you just care about reading a well-written and funny story, go ahead!

A Very Harry Cliche

First Quarter

Plugs and Outlets

For those who want to continue exploring this ‘genre’, I leave a glossary. For first timers it’s generally a safe option to start reading at The Sugar Quill

Glossary

HP – Harry Potter
AU – Alternate Universe
POV – Point of View
R/H – Ron and Hermione
H/H – Harry and Hermione
H/G – Harry and Ginny

So…I’m in Shanghai. Been here for a week. Felt a little lost and lonely in the beginning. But I’m finally settling down a bit. Anyway….first impressions, ahoy!

1)No stinks and no smells…except in the food section at department stores. Coming from Mumbai, a city known for it’s bizarre odorous melange of garbage, drying Bombay Duck and carbon fumes, I really like the fact that my nose can’t detect anything unpleasant about Shanghai. Of course, that way it also loses a little in terms of personality, which Mumbai has in plenty. But I guess I’ll discover and identify the ‘personality’ by and by.

2)No one brushing up against me on the pavements and no one x-raying me with their eyes from top to toe. This, all ye women out there, is a wonderful relief! I finally feel I can stop being on red alert 24/7.

3)Friendly people. I’m not sure what I was expecting. They might’ve ignored me or they might have stared at us in the welcoming way that we have back in India. But they smile! They smile at me in the streets as they pass by! They come and speak to me sweetly in Chinese (for all I know they might be cursing me. I know no Mandarin. But I like to think that they don’t.).

4)Fashion slaves. Yep…plenty of them around! Women mostly. Strutting about in high heels, dressed to the nines and lipsticked and blushed to glory. They look lovely and it’s a pleasure looking at them. But honestly…do you need to wear all that make up and those Jimmy Choos when you go out to buy milk?

5)Shopaholics. Plenty of them too. Everywhere I go, I see people shopping. At all times of the day, every day of the week. Even furniture shopping at Ikea!

6)Oh…and how can I forget! Terrible English…worse than India, I think. Ref. to photograph.

I think I’m going to enjoy myself. I hope I am. I already miss India too much.