Real Men Don’t Whine or Why We Should Still Listen to Feminists

I recently read a post on Great Bong’s blog about the unsuitability of Pratibha Patil for the post of President of India. The post was well written as usual, witty and informative and making it’s point with crystal clarity.

I have only one problem with this post. Evidently, Great Bong thinks that Mrinal Pande is insulting his intelligence when she writes that the main reason why men don’t want Pratibha Patil as Prez is that she’s a Woman and will give other women ideas. Possibly. But on the other hand, the article isn’t solely addressed to GB and other well read and well-informed men like him. It is also addressed to a lot of men who object to Pratibhatai precisely for the reason that Pande outlined – she’s a Woman and is a portent of the feminine invasion of Parliament. Now that just won’t do, will it?

One comment on the post caught my attention. A certain Shan wrote ‘People like Mrinal Pande (and there are plenty of those in leftist/feminist academia) see EVERYTHING through the lens of gender politics.’ That one statement should be credited with starting off this rant.

People like Mrinal Pande and Co. might see everything through the lens of gender politics, but there’s a very real reason for that – women are still largely victims, not because they relish their submissive positions, because they don’t know how not to be submissive. I agree there’s no reason for everything to be seen from a feminist point of view, but what is really unbearable is the stance that most urban men have taken – that they’re victims of militant feminism. Note my use of the word ‘urban’ – go to rural areas and you’ll know that ‘girl-power’ is as distant from reality as pigs with wings.

We can’t just let an issue die down simply because we had a woman as PM and because there are a handful of Indra Nooyis and Barkha Dutts. Your mother might be an emancipated, working woman who more than contributes her share of pennies to the household and your sister might be a smart-talking, legal eagle in the making. But spare a thought for the hundreds of girls on our streets, the ones with babies nearly half their size and with more on the way. They didn’t choose to live this way. They live this way because it’s the only way they can.

Of course, having a woman as Prez doesn’t really alleviate the matter. But that’s not what my post is about. In case you haven’t got it so far, this post is about how Indian men complain about being victimized by bra-burning feminists. It’s time to stop, guys…it’s not helping your cause.

I suppose what men can do is inform themselves about what life is like for the average Indian woman before opening their mouths so wide that they swallow not just their feet, but also a lot of their own credibility. After all, real men don’t whine, do they?

Sex and the Maiden

I’ve been reading a lot about chastity balls these days. A chastity ball is something like a wedding ceremony, but with a twist. Here, a father and daughter exchange vows – the father swears to be faithful to his daughter’s mother, while the daughter swears tha she’ll remain a virgin till the day she gets married. The father may also slip a ring onto his little one’s finger, to be give to her husband the day he deflowers her.

Stop me if I’m wrong, but this whole idea of a chastity ball revolts me. There’s something so primitive about this whole idea of ritualising an act which should remain personal. If a girl decides to remain a virgin till she gets married, that’s all very well. But why make such a production of it? Might as well slip one of those dreadful medieval contraptions known as Chastity Belts around her waist. And keep the key.

Why is such importance attached to a woman’s virginity anyway? Sex is not dirty when men indulge in it, so why should different rules apply to women? Many of the people who took part in this ceremony claimed that it reinforced their Christian values. I’m sure there’s more to Christianity than that. How about Mercy, Charity etc.? Why not have a ceremony in which all the participants swear to pay a tithe of their earnings to some deserving cause?

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Christianity. Anything that brings spiritual solace to people is good, say I. But I do have a lot against primitive sexual politics which say that a woman is virtuous only if she’s chaste. Why is a woman’s virtue so inextricably bound to her sexuality?

It’s worldwide problem. I’ve read of some sub-saharan cultures which condone the horrific practice of female circumcision. To put it crudely, the clitoris is split or sawn off. The idea is that a woman is supposed to have sex only to reproduce, not for pleasure.

Then there’s the whole idea behind the application of vermilion in the parting of a woman’s hair (sindoor). The red of the vermilion signifies the red of the blood that flows when a woman loses her virginity. I remember reading a Marquez story (Chronicle of a Death Foretold) in which the marital bedsheet with specks of blood on it is displayed in public, like a trophy. No blood means that the new bride is a loose and dishonourable woman and her husband’s family will then avenge this insult to their honour.

Recently, Indian television channels have been running the trailers of a new Hindi movie called Namastey London. The premise of an English Mem falling in love with a Desi Babu has been done to death, but that is not what I’m quibbling against. A line in one of the trailers goes, ‘A virgin from London..’. Why stress the fact of her virginity? What if she weren’t a virgin? Would she be less deserving of the audience’s love and sympathy?

The reason why we have all these stupid and demeaning practices is because we make such a big deal out of sex. I’m not advocating promiscuity, but we’re definitely in an age now where we know more and therefore can act more responsibly. We don’t really need society’s sanction for acts that are essentially performed behind closed doors.

A little note: Why are run-less overs in cricket called Maiden Overs? ‘Coz nobody scores in them. A cheap and low joke no doubt, but it just goes to show how deeply ingrained such sexual politics are in our collective psyche that we don’t even notice them anymore.

[UPDATE: My friend Madhura Kanekar just brought something to my notice...sexual politics in the blogosphere. Please show your support for Kathy Sierra.]